KP Snacks
Freepost (LE6531)
P.O. Box No.4
Ashby-De-La-Zouch
LE65 1NZ

14/08/2008

Dear Skips,

I write to you as a loyal but concerned consumer of your delightful snack, Skips. I have been happily munching away on these 'fizzible' wonders for quite some time now but it is only recently that I actually decided to read what’s on the packet.

Prompted by a particularly boring day in the office, I found myself steadily 'devouring' the deceptively large amount of information printed on the foily wrapper (after having rapidly devoured the contents!). This, I discovered, was an effective distraction from the unwanted pile of papers my boss had just placed on my desk for me to process. Thank you.

Being a bit of a (health) freak, I was both surprised and pleased to learn that Skips contain no artificial colours or flavours. This fact is boasted under the clearly labelled 'Skips Promise' section on the front of the packet, and rightly so. It is shocking the amount of artificial flavours that are contained in today’s innocent-looking family snacks.

However, during my second, more scrutinous reading, I noticed something I had previously missed: Just above the barcode, there was a small black circle with very small writing around the edge. Using my recently acquired reading glasses I was just able to make out the words 'suitable for vegetarians'.

Please don’t get me wrong at this point, I have nothing against vegetarians. In fact, in spite of their eccentricities they actually seem like a nice bunch of people. My issue stemmed from the fact that the credibility of my non-artificially-flavoured Prawn Cocktail flavour snacks now appeared to hang in the balance.

I don’t know if the contradiction of this will jump out at you as it did me, so I will elaborate. The word 'artificial' relates to an imitation of that which something is trying to emulate. Therefore, assuming your vegetarian statement is true, your snacks must surely be trying to emulate the flavour of prawns, in which case the flavour is artificial.

The other possibility, of course, is that Skips actually do contain traces of prawn and that the little black circle on the back is just there to make vegetarians feel better about eating them. If this is the case then fair play, I am not adverse to the odd white lie myself as long as it doesn’t harm anyone (prawns excluded, of course).

So for this reason I am writing to you to ask you one question: Who are you lying to? Is it the vegetarians or the normal folk? I feel you owe me an answer to this question; the pile of papers on my desk is now unmanageable.

Please let it be the vegetarians. I promise I won’t tell anyone.

Yours sincerely,

Ben Jameson